Thinking Thoughts (A Reminiscent Post)

I apologize for what will seem like a jumble of thoughts. 3 weeks left of this magnificent summer and I really can't seem to wrap my head around many things. If you haven't heard the podcast some of my teammates have created, please go to iTunes or any podcast app and find NoTiers. It's tremendous and they work very hard on it. I digress... I would like to say many things because as the podcast says, "I have a biker brain."
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#1.
I can't say enough how much everyone reading this means to me. I'm sorry I don't post here as often as I wanted, but sitting in my saddle for hours a day with nothing but your thoughts gets tough. I couldn't wait to share my stories with you all before this trip began, but now I know how difficult it is to relive and rethink these thoughts over and over. I don't know what stories I've told you or what stories I repeat in my head until I get sick of thinking them.
#2.
I've had many mental breakdowns. I had another this morning while listening to the live podcast my teammates recorded. I don't want to spoil it, but they talked about what a biker thinks about in a given day. It's actually the most difficult part of this trip. My legs can bike 107 miles into 20mph Montana headwinds, but my head can't fathom it. It's weird to contemplate life as much as I have in these past months. I often think about my future. My job. My family. My best friends. All of the people who have made me who I am. I often think they have sculpted me into an amazing person who will change the world, but 6 hours on a bike in a day can make your head play tricks. I'm sick of music. I'm sick of comedy. I'm currently trying to listen to economics podcasts to keep distracted. People are even past that and listening to Harry Potter books. I cannot wait for Glacier National Park when we get more beauty that will help me be distracted from my thoughts.
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#3.
Dreams are funny. I don't understand them. My teammates aren't psychiatrists. They're making it harder and harder to sleep at night, which is why I'm writing this instead of sleeping. I've had dreams of my bike wheels shattering while flying down a hill, but then magically being okay when my teammates came to get me. I had a dream about crashing in cars that I needed to drive to support Bike the US for MS. I've even had the dream of being left behind and alone. It's hard sometimes because the team is so close, but I can't get out of my own head once I'm on my bike.
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#4.
I'm going to cry. I did this trip, because I love people. I love people who are deserving of the love a stranger can give. My teammates are roughly 30 people who deserve every ounce of love they can get. Some just love to ride, some have a strong connection to MS, but every one of them has been genuine to someone because they are kind deep down in their soul. I learned the other day that some people won't let us do service projects for them because the organization won't do background checks. Don (the founder, CEO, and our fearless leader) has sworn not to do them because anyone who signs up for this trip is tremendous. I don't know how I can leave these people in August. Some of them go out of their way to ask me how my ride was, some of them want to become best friends with my girlfriend, and some of them are already making plans to visit me. I am honored to be a part of this team and I wish it never needed to end.
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#5.
Bar Harbor was weeks ago... There were days when 70 miles was long. There were days when I got scared of a 2 mile hill. I've had a flat. I've had numerous bike repairs. I've gotten little sleep and slept in. I've gone over "The Kanc" and "Breadloaf". I've made lifelong friends and met patients who I will remember for a lifetime. I have been fed by churches, towns, and route leaders. I've drank floats, shakes, beers, and plenty of water. I've biked thousands of miles, skimmed through plenty of flood puddles, and waded one hundred or so feet of overflow. I've been on back roads, gravel roads, bike paths, and interstates. I've slept through strong winds and thunderstorms as well as alarm clocks and snoring. I've taken showers in churches, fire stations, parks, pools, houses, sinks, hoses, and lakes. Nothing about this journey is simple, but all I need to do is bike. It's just two wheels and me for the next 900 miles.
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God bless and goodnight.